I'd always thought the 308 had relatively mild recoil from all the recoil tables I looked at when deciding what my first centerfire was going to be. I had a 22lr and had shot maybe 2-3 rounds of 223 before I got my 308. It's a lot more than a 223 of course...but my wife (all of 55kg's) can shoot it. She was shit scared at first just from watching it being shot, but after shooting it was like..."oh." Same went for my sister.
Everyone's different obviously. I guess the best thing is just to try a calibre before you buy it if you're worried you might flinch or develop one.
The flinch you talk of maybe developed from hearing or seeing "dads big 308" for years from a young age? You may have just built it up mentally to be more than it is. Logically you know all you will feel is a firm tap to the shoulder.
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