Thread: A balls up....(Part 2).

With that the bugger gets a wiff of my unwashed arse stench and makes a run for the east coast....oh well, better he goes than goes with the possiblity of having his lower jaw blown off, or some other non leathel damage.

Trudge down to camp and tell wank stain my tail of woe, finish setting up camp and get settled in.

We hunted high and low, round there, over there in, out and all a fucking bout for the next few days without damaging the population.
Stags were roaring from 9 am -10.30 am then they'd shut the fuck up, and even tho we got onto a few, either the wind gave us the odd nudge or we just fucked things up all on our own.!

Day 7 we went for a big walk up a creek we'd been saving.....sign everywhere and fresh too.
Had one roar across the other side and we snuck on in....Slammer leading the charge, me doing the tooting....but FFS, the fucker had given us the slip.
He then roared and hinds barked from where we'd come from....bastards, we were sucker punched right up the gunga !
Still, all was not lost cos it was brilliant fun.
We'd had stags going each day, seen a couple we couldn't get a shot on, had hinds crashing away then running back in to see what the fuck we were....just good clean fun.
It was getting on by this time so we mooched and sidled our way back, and as we were about to drop down into the camp creek, 2 stags began going hammer and tongs across the main creek and at about our level.
We sat and tweaked them up to fever pitch.
Righto, lets get these cnuts.

Dropped down ito the main creek, wizzed across with dry feet, Slammer says he'll wait here in case i push one down hill and it comes down into the creek he'll nail it, and i snuck up the spur between the stags who were going ballistic.
Almost got level with them, and i crawl into a tangle mess of crap you wouldn'y believe.
Fuck this, i can't go up, down or sideways without making a din....fuckfuckfuck !

I'm in a mess that is undoubtedly, far fucking worse the Susan Boyles pubic area.!!!!

With that, here comes a stag....he comes in off a small slip to my right, i catch a glimpse of the fucker, and hes close....he walks right below me....i can't see the prick but he stinks and he's making a racket...3 maybe 4 yards....he must walk right thru where i'd just come up, but doesn't flinch and wanders off downhill, and certainly not put off by my sneaky presence in the shrubs.
OK, one to deal with....i extricate myself from Ms. Boyles private area, and sneak across to that stag....he's having a moan like a kidnap victim with a face full of duct tape, and i catch a look at the cunt sitting down.
Hmmmm, bit of bone there but nothing special...more special needs really. Not much bigger than twigs and about as skinny as Cleakys legs.....but bone all the same.
I crawl under neath the bugger and then crawl upwards....popped my head over the parapet and the stag sees mee, his eyes bulge, KA_BOOOOOOM !
Poleaxe the cunt, and once again, i get a medal for being the "Worlds Greatest Hunter".
I'd automatically jacked the empty out and re-loaded so with the stag on the deck i shoved the next in line, uranium depleted shell back into the mag, closed the bolt and scurried around on the ground looking for the empty case of the fired bullet.
I found it, and let out a whistle to let Slammer know i'd nailed the cunt....turned around and fuck me, theres the stag standing there looking at me.....HOLY SHIUT !
Now, my gun is leaning on a tree 3 yards away and i'm now poking about in my day bag looking for my fucking knife.!

WTF !!!!!!!....so i carefully take a couple of steps to get my rifle, and bloods pouring out of this poor bugger and he's coming at me , head down, grunting like a grunting thing, and i'm beginning, not for the first time recently, to fear for my fucking life again !
Shit fuck, got me gun, reload, point aim, less than 6 yards, pull the trigger...KA_BOOM>>>>>over he goes again.....thank fuck for that i go....bastard staggers to his feet again....WTF !!!!!?????
BOOOOOM, BOOOOOOM....take that you fucker.....he just stands there....shit , no bullets left, i scramble for my day bag and more bullets, Bambislammer yells out from below, "WTF is going on?"
"The cunt won't fucking die", i scream back.
Trying to get me new bullets out of the holder, finger like thumbs and thumbs like toes....drop the pouch, shit fuck arse, the stag is losing blood like he'd been in a fucking stabbing incident with Chopper Read.
I'm getting nowhere....had panic set in or was i just a useless cunt?
Not one to panic really, i quickly decided i was quite simply put, a useless cunt.
So, shit, look at that rock right there, so i picked it up and threw it at Sammy Stag, hit the bugger on the antlers, he begins to crumble, i manage to get a round in the gun...took several steps and litterally placed the end of the barrell on his neck and pulled the trigger. Take that you bastard !!!!!!
Wooompha !
Stag hits the deck yet again and is still.
I put on my Chopper Read hat and made sure he was not getting out of there alive.!
Mother dear, the sweat is pouring off me, i'm shaking like a dirty girl in a porn film, Bambislammer cruises up and goes, WTF are you doing you mental cunt !, and i'm about done for !

I related my "tail", and after a while we set to butchering the stag.
Now, any sensible fuckers would have hacked his head off and rolled the carcass down the hill and butchered it there, but no, i'm certainly not thinking straight after that mission, so bits are coming off the stag and its all going good.
Darkness is aproaching but its a doddle back to camp no worries.
I tie the back steaks to each end of my nylon string, shove them down my shirt front, hoist the arse end over my shoulders, Slammer takes the front legs , fillets and my gear.
Halfway down the hill, i go for a gutsa....nothing unusual in that...normal fare for Greendog.....however, on this spectacular occassionit completely turns to shit !
There i go carreering down hill, trying to regain some semblance of balance or normality, when i became upright-ish, but firmly smacked against a fork in a tree.
Not so bad i think to meself, until the tree bends almost at a 60 o angle to the ground.
I can't move, pinned by the weight of an arse on my neck and back....i yell out to Slammer to "fucking help my you cnut'....so after some discussion he agrees to lend a hand, but in the time it takes for the tired prick to wander down to me and unload his gear, the backsteaks slither out of my shirt and flop down one either side of me, dangling just nicely until , for a reason completely unknown to myself, the fucking things decide to begin to rotate, and thus, the 3mm nylon cord decides to being strangling me......
"Oi you chyunut fuouer fyuhgksz sgfake fiuytonkinhyg heoiuylp muie"....(put on your best choking voice to do that part lads).....
That dirty mutant bastard rocks up, sees me fucking turning purple, and asks in his best voice, "Do you need a hand ya big Jeffrey?" !

Couple more days and a bit more stag chasing was the order, but sucked on killing anything more.......and at 9 am on the Tuesday morning......in comes the kitchen whisk, on goes our gear, in we hop and back to civilization again.

FFS...what an adventure....turns out we musta had a mini tornado on the first night as there was a swathe of trashed shrubberygoing east/west for several ridges, about 100-150 yards wide that we discovered on one of our daily outings....it took us well over an hour to get thru the shitty mess.
After a few rounds thru the Ruger a day or two later, i find the guts of my scope had fallen apart and the fucker was shooting all over the place. Note to self : That scope now sleeps with the fishes !!!!!

Bloody good fun tho, and i'd not swap that adventure or any other with my mad as fuck mate Bambislammer for quids.
Fuck he's a good bastard !......

Well done on the stag.

Thats a book worthy story if ever I heard one.

Brought a good few chuckles to my wet afternoon on the mountain in the fog!

Great report as usual, been a bit quiet lately?

Just draw an X on the front lens with a marker pen and you are back to being dangerous again :graffiti:

Worlds Greatest Hunter

There is no doubt at all G Dog you are indeed a Funny C--t...Well done Sir.

Those are the types of trips that are remembered the most!! Typically entertaining read cheers.

good read mate. Always enjoy your posts.

THAT was worth waiting for!!

That was awesome

Part one and two both worth a second read. Well done.

Epic write up....fell off me chair..Chopper Read