Thread: married to a kiwi: Help! My father in law is coming!!!

“Oh by the way, it looks like my Dad is finally going to come along to Stewart Island.”

Excuse me? What? I nearly dropped the frying pan I was holding and just managed to keep the eggs from sliding onto the floor. The Dude, who had been sitting quietly by my feet jumped up, his tail wagging furiously and his eyes full of hope as a second breakfast had suddenly become a real possibility.

I tried to breath normally, but my blood was rushing so loudly through my veins that I felt dizzy. Did I hear this correctly? His Dad was now coming? When we had first talked about Stewart Island, I had mentioned to my husband that he should invite some mates or his brother, but I was sure I had never mentioned his dad. A “family holiday” definitely had never been on the cards.

I mean don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind my in-laws, even though our relationship has always been difficult, as it was made very clear to me on my first trip to NZ that they would have preferred a nice Kiwi girl and not some European chick who obviously had no clue about anything. (I did pick daisies on the first day I visited their dairy farm and brought them into the house, thinking that his mum would love them. Instead her husband started screaming something about bloody weeds he was trying to eradicate from the farm that had no place in their sitting room. Needless to say I was not impressed, seeing that I was just trying to be nice, my kiwi husband was embarrassed by my ignorance and his mother just gave me this pitiful look that said it all….)
Over the years, they kind of accepted though that I was there to stay and in fairness, we have had some good moments together, like fishing, which to everyone’s surprise, (me more than anyone) I turned to be quite good at.

However, ten days with my father-in-law? I mean most of the time I manage to bite my tongue when we are together, as I don’t want to rock the boat for the short while we manage to be in NZ. But again, ten days? We are just so fundamentally different, even though my kiwi husband actually thinks that I’m exactly like his dad and that is why we don’t get on. Me? Like his dad? Really? Does that mean I am stubborn, opinionated and always believe that I’m right?
Don’t answer that!
Ever!

Anyway, from the way my kiwi husband is speaking, it looks like this is what it’s going to be. Ten days on an island with no electricity, no running water, no wifi, no hot weather, but with my father-in-law.
Maybe he is trying to tell me something here. Or maybe this is payback for all the times he had to put up with my Mum and Aunt? Or does he want a divorce?

He showed me some pictures of the cabin where we are going to stay in and it doesn’t look like it has any partitions or curtains. This basically means when I close my eyes in the evening, the last person I will see is not only my husband but also my brother-in-law and my father-in-law.

It reminds me of my sailing days and that was already a challenge without the addition of family. Many years ago I went sailing in the Clipper Round the World Yacht race and I slept in the forepeak with three other sailors. I didn’t know them from Adam before joining the fleet and while it was bad enough hearing them snore, fart and doing various other things that don’t bear mentioning during the night, just imagine I now have to endure the same situation with my father-in-law!
Seriously? At my age I should be sleeping in nice hotel rooms, alone or with my husband, not with the whole family!

While my Kiwi husband was busy making tea and coffee, I was trying hard to control my breathing and counting to ten so that I would not say something I might later regret. Twice I took a breath before I managed to squeeze out: “Really? I didn’t know he was interested in coming to Stewart Island.”
“Oh, he has always been interested,” my Kiwi husband pursued unaware of the frying pan that was still firmly clasped in my hand and hovering dangerously in the air. “He just didn’t know if he could take the time.”
He turns to me with a big smile, “Isn’t it great? I am so glad he is coming, it will do him a world of good.”

The eggs are now slowly turning crispy and The Dude’s tail is wagging a million miles an hour, as he knows the second breakfast is now definitely on his way.
The thing is, even I have to admit that a road trip with his boys to Stewart Island will do my father-in-law a world of good. His wife recently had to be put in a home as she suffers from Alzheimers and after looking after her for as long as he could, he does deserve a bit of a relief. Alzheimers is a terrible disease, which affects the whole family, as it makes them prisoners in their own home. It is an illness with far reaching consequences and even though we are thousands of miles from New Zealand, it has hit my lovely Kiwi husband very hard. Funnily enough, his mother’s illness has brought him and his Dad closer together and if they can have a good laugh on Stewart Island, then good.

Where I fit in that set-up though remains to be seen.
I mean seriously, my Kiwi husband is very good with my Mum and Aunt when they come for Christmas or when we go to Mallorca, but there is always an escape. On Stewart Island there is nothing!

Yes, I can go looking for the Kiwi and that is probably what I am going to do, but there still will be loads of hours when my father-in-law and I will have to sit together in the cabin waiting for the brothers to come home. Because he is actually not planning on going hunting. He is just there for the ride. Hell, he’ll probably want to tell me all about fishing again, but then I shall remind him about something called a Jesus bird and that should shut him up (it’s another story, which I shall tell at some point).

Who knows though? Perhaps Stewart Island will bring us closer together as well. Or it will be a total disaster and I will be screaming my frustration at the roaring forties, desperately looking for a way off the island before I divorce my Kiwi husband.

Ah well, I sighed and put the frying pan back onto the stove. I scraped the burnt egg out of the pan and put them in Dude’s bowl.
“What happened?” my husband looked at me with wide open eyes. “Since when do you burn eggs?”
I could have said, since you dropped this bombshell on me. But I didn’t. That’s what marriage is all about isn’t it? Compromising and accepting. But I can tell you right now, I will have brownie points forever and he will definitely have to take me back to Bora Bora soon!!!

Quote..He showed me some pictures of the cabin where we are going to stay in and it doesn’t look like it has any partitions or curtains. This basically means when I close my eyes in the evening, the last person I will see is not only my husband but also my brother-in-law and my father-in-law.

I spent some time in Kentucky,they have a name for that.......cant remember it,but ill get back to you..by the way...if you hear Banjo,s.........Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!!!

You should go spend some me time in the great outdoors. Perfect weather for it next few days

Originally Posted by A330driver

Quote..He showed me some pictures of the cabin where we are going to stay in and it doesn’t look like it has any partitions or curtains. This basically means when I close my eyes in the evening, the last person I will see is not only my husband but also my brother-in-law and my father-in-law.

I spent some time in Kentucky,they have a name for that.......cant remember it,but ill get back to you..by the way...if you hear Banjo,s.........Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!!!

problem being its impossible to find a redneck guilty in court, no dental records and the dna is all the same

"Old fashion" is no excuse for bieng completly rude.
be civil but dont take any shit.
If he wants to tear strips off you for something harmless and your husband dosent tell him to pull his fucking head in he is a coward
the real trick is staying calm when he starts yelling and asking him if he is ok
treat it like he is putting a performance for you at a theater and dont buy into his childish tantrums
if you dont let it affect you he looses all power

fear of someone throwing a temper tantrum shouldnt dictate your behaviour

if you dont start out the way you intend to continue he will treat you this way forever.

It's only a week or so. Take your fidhing gear and camera and just roll with it. Don't react.

If he's and old fashioned gruff bastard missing his wife, would it work to turn out the odd batch of Pikelets or scones for him. Charm the old bugger

Shoulda gone to borabora.

What a dilemma @Mrs Sideshow, I think it is just as well that you have posted this where your kiwi husband is most unlikely to see.

I can very much relate to your tale of woe. My twin had been to Outward Bound and after telling many a tale of great adventure. He was up in Wellington for work and whilst there catching up with his fellow Outward Bound colleague Joe. They hatched a plan, that they would revisit the mighty Rai Falls that they had intrepidly kayaked over. They'd fly over from Wellington and I'd drive my brothers van up fro Christchurch with our two kayaks and my twins wife. That was a lovely drive as the drivers seat was worn out and my skinny butt was largely sitting on the springs sandwiched against the body work. By the time I got over the bumpy of single lane bridge near Seddon, that was enough.

Anyway We got to the little 'airport' at Koromiko to collect the other two before heading to the accommodation for the night. My brother and his mate grabbed there gear and wandered over, where I was the last to discoverer that Joe was not a Joseph but a Joanne, and that I'd be sharing a room with Joe. Thanks brother! And looking at the grin on her face, thanks sister-in-law. Anyway, I resolved to be stuck in this situation and was looking forward to these big dangerous and tricky falls to kayak over, so there was at least some consolation.

That evening as my brother and Joe recounted stories of their trials at Outward Bound and talked of these falls I grew more keen. The following day as we continued the drive the talking continued and these falls were really starting to sound a bit more interesting. I gathered there was a drop of 2.4-3.0m with and absolute torrent of water flowing over them. We got to the river and found a park where the gear was unloaded, skirt put on around my waste and life jacket donned. The Yak was hoisted to my shoulder and we started walking along the river. After a couple of minutes walking I politely enquired, "how far along the river are these falls?" To my surprise I was informed that we'd arrived and that I was standing just above them. A survey of my surroundings showed this little drop, not even up to my knee, with a trickle of water struggling over the stones. The disappointment, having endured the pain from that seat and having to sleep in a room with a female!

Oh well we had a quick paddle then went for a drive to see these massive mountains, little knobs, they had climbed and all of these other obstacles, equally underwhelming, they encountered. The one thing I took away from the weekend was if you get two ex-Outward Bounders together you get the biggest pair of liars that ever drew breath.

In my short long winded way, at least with your trip you will not be disappointed by your destination. It is a magic place.

Originally Posted by Mrs Sideshow

“
Yes, I can go looking for the Kiwi and that is probably what I am going to do,

Two pieces of advice here.
1) If you are going anywhere down there, please take a GPS and a PLB. By all accounts it is very easy to get turned around and lose any sense of direction.
2) Always remember that you both have someone very close to you in common. And if it was not for your father in law raising his son to be who he is, you would not have the Sideshow that you have now. Please try to look at this as a chance to get to know him and turn things around. I remember the impact on my mum when my dad was fighting before he passed and it took a lot from her. I suspect he is dealing with similar issues. After 3 years I still miss my dad every day so I can only imagine how mum feels. Use this chance to build something between you. Whether he says something or not, he is going to need both of you to support him through this very soon, if he does not already.

Hi @timattalon
You are absolutely right and I'm sure we will get on fine. As my husband said, we are probably very alike and so I know that he will also have a good laugh. And despite of what I wrote in my story, I know he can still teach me a lot about fishing, so I'm looking forward to that. He did raise a pretty awesome son and more importantly, he did give him the right values in life, which I will always be grateful for.
Also, I hear what you are saying about GPS and PLB. I will be careful and look after myself, I promise.
I am actually getting really excited about the trip and writing about it has been very soothing and revealing. I can't wait to get there now. Not long, only a few more days.

Hi @gadgetman
I am sure that the destination is going to be magical and am actually looking forward to it. It's a challenge on so many levels and I am also sure I will get on fine with my father-in-law. I did have to embellish a bit for the story, didn't I? He made a great speech at our wedding and I am sure we will get to know each other a lot better (inevitably) after this trip. I'm looking forward to finally finding out what Stewart Island means to my husband and to so many of you. I have come round to thinking that it is actually quite an honour that my family wants me there! And by the way, I do feel sorry you had to sleep in a room with a female! That must have been torture

Originally Posted by Mrs Sideshow

And by the way, I do feel sorry you had to sleep in a room with a female! That must have been torture

Oh it was. I did not sleep a wink.

So many 'would-be' match makers. They just could not handle that I was happy being, and staying, single. Mrs gadgetman understands.

Originally Posted by gadgetman

Oh it was. I did not sleep a wink.

So many 'would-be' match makers. They just could not handle that I was happy being, and staying, single. Mrs gadgetman understands.

Should have shown her your Canoe. If you didn't sleep, it suggests that the canoe was ready to be launched