married to a kiwi: Help! My father in law is coming!!!
“Oh by the way, it looks like my Dad is finally going to come along to Stewart Island.”
Excuse me? What? I nearly dropped the frying pan I was holding and just managed to keep the eggs from sliding onto the floor. The Dude, who had been sitting quietly by my feet jumped up, his tail wagging furiously and his eyes full of hope as a second breakfast had suddenly become a real possibility.
I tried to breath normally, but my blood was rushing so loudly through my veins that I felt dizzy. Did I hear this correctly? His Dad was now coming? When we had first talked about Stewart Island, I had mentioned to my husband that he should invite some mates or his brother, but I was sure I had never mentioned his dad. A “family holiday” definitely had never been on the cards.
I mean don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind my in-laws, even though our relationship has always been difficult, as it was made very clear to me on my first trip to NZ that they would have preferred a nice Kiwi girl and not some European chick who obviously had no clue about anything. (I did pick daisies on the first day I visited their dairy farm and brought them into the house, thinking that his mum would love them. Instead her husband started screaming something about bloody weeds he was trying to eradicate from the farm that had no place in their sitting room. Needless to say I was not impressed, seeing that I was just trying to be nice, my kiwi husband was embarrassed by my ignorance and his mother just gave me this pitiful look that said it all….)
Over the years, they kind of accepted though that I was there to stay and in fairness, we have had some good moments together, like fishing, which to everyone’s surprise, (me more than anyone) I turned to be quite good at.
However, ten days with my father-in-law? I mean most of the time I manage to bite my tongue when we are together, as I don’t want to rock the boat for the short while we manage to be in NZ. But again, ten days? We are just so fundamentally different, even though my kiwi husband actually thinks that I’m exactly like his dad and that is why we don’t get on. Me? Like his dad? Really? Does that mean I am stubborn, opinionated and always believe that I’m right?
Don’t answer that!
Ever!
Anyway, from the way my kiwi husband is speaking, it looks like this is what it’s going to be. Ten days on an island with no electricity, no running water, no wifi, no hot weather, but with my father-in-law.
Maybe he is trying to tell me something here. Or maybe this is payback for all the times he had to put up with my Mum and Aunt? Or does he want a divorce?
He showed me some pictures of the cabin where we are going to stay in and it doesn’t look like it has any partitions or curtains. This basically means when I close my eyes in the evening, the last person I will see is not only my husband but also my brother-in-law and my father-in-law.
It reminds me of my sailing days and that was already a challenge without the addition of family. Many years ago I went sailing in the Clipper Round the World Yacht race and I slept in the forepeak with three other sailors. I didn’t know them from Adam before joining the fleet and while it was bad enough hearing them snore, fart and doing various other things that don’t bear mentioning during the night, just imagine I now have to endure the same situation with my father-in-law!
Seriously? At my age I should be sleeping in nice hotel rooms, alone or with my husband, not with the whole family!
While my Kiwi husband was busy making tea and coffee, I was trying hard to control my breathing and counting to ten so that I would not say something I might later regret. Twice I took a breath before I managed to squeeze out: “Really? I didn’t know he was interested in coming to Stewart Island.”
“Oh, he has always been interested,” my Kiwi husband pursued unaware of the frying pan that was still firmly clasped in my hand and hovering dangerously in the air. “He just didn’t know if he could take the time.”
He turns to me with a big smile, “Isn’t it great? I am so glad he is coming, it will do him a world of good.”
The eggs are now slowly turning crispy and The Dude’s tail is wagging a million miles an hour, as he knows the second breakfast is now definitely on his way.
The thing is, even I have to admit that a road trip with his boys to Stewart Island will do my father-in-law a world of good. His wife recently had to be put in a home as she suffers from Alzheimers and after looking after her for as long as he could, he does deserve a bit of a relief. Alzheimers is a terrible disease, which affects the whole family, as it makes them prisoners in their own home. It is an illness with far reaching consequences and even though we are thousands of miles from New Zealand, it has hit my lovely Kiwi husband very hard. Funnily enough, his mother’s illness has brought him and his Dad closer together and if they can have a good laugh on Stewart Island, then good.
Where I fit in that set-up though remains to be seen.
I mean seriously, my Kiwi husband is very good with my Mum and Aunt when they come for Christmas or when we go to Mallorca, but there is always an escape. On Stewart Island there is nothing!
Yes, I can go looking for the Kiwi and that is probably what I am going to do, but there still will be loads of hours when my father-in-law and I will have to sit together in the cabin waiting for the brothers to come home. Because he is actually not planning on going hunting. He is just there for the ride. Hell, he’ll probably want to tell me all about fishing again, but then I shall remind him about something called a Jesus bird and that should shut him up (it’s another story, which I shall tell at some point).
Who knows though? Perhaps Stewart Island will bring us closer together as well. Or it will be a total disaster and I will be screaming my frustration at the roaring forties, desperately looking for a way off the island before I divorce my Kiwi husband.
Ah well, I sighed and put the frying pan back onto the stove. I scraped the burnt egg out of the pan and put them in Dude’s bowl.
“What happened?” my husband looked at me with wide open eyes. “Since when do you burn eggs?”
I could have said, since you dropped this bombshell on me. But I didn’t. That’s what marriage is all about isn’t it? Compromising and accepting. But I can tell you right now, I will have brownie points forever and he will definitely have to take me back to Bora Bora soon!!!
