Thread: baikal blow jobs

Catchin up with a former neighbour the other day and he mentioned a local cockie who we knew wanted to know if I was interested in shootin one of his farms out Ellesmere.
well,after a duck season that was ,to put it mildly lamentable ,i was in the mood for some action so away we goes. arrives on the property and driving down the paddocks better bloody going than a lot of chch streets I tell ya.
oops hold on theres a mob of 50odd swans munching and shitting their way through a paddock which cockie also had a herd of yearlings in.
just gettin tooled up when hark -yep that sound "honk". binos to eyes and bugger me a humungous mob of canadas in the distance obviously en joying morning tea and social chit chat.
Winds blowin a gale and colder than a narwhals pubes but away I go .they pissed off sharpish but I fired a couple just to check the trusty escort wasnt playin up like it did recently.
Shes back to runninsweet but bugger me this humungous mob of canadas took to the wing out to the lake.I havent seen a mob that size for 18 months or more -a conservative estimate150-200birds easy.
I know where theyre headed -its another spot of ours which has seen them partying up large recently too.
Anyhow we drive on a little further and bugger me a colony of my old cobbers the ferals hove into view
well ,we stopped the car in middle of paddock broke out the flask and had a trusty cuppa as we eyed em over the fence.lucky they didnt join us -no enough cups old chap im afraid.
Out comes the trust baikal O/Uand away we go.
i decided to sneak through the bushes to get between em and the lake and even up the odds.
sneaking along as sneakers do and whoa -a big white head hoves in view over the top of with wait another beside it .Im sure in goose they were "saying look its david beckham coming to visit ,how nice. hes so cute!"
well obviously something took their attention and away they went ,well one did for the other felt the baikals deadly kiss. he scooted away up a tunnel but i got him and put a merciful end to it.
Im feelin bloody chuffed as away we go again.round a corner and another head hoves into view .Start my sneak in and who its not 1or 2 its bloody 5.
Anyhow Im happy to take the shot when boyo scoots behind a bush but shit a brick a bloody great big grey head pops up givin me that "cant you fuck off and do something useful"look-I did I bowled him arse over elbow clean off the mound of grass he'd been standing on!
the rest by this time got twitchy so we played a spot of cat & mouse before calling it a day!
moral of story -Baikal blow jobs are not good for gooseys welfare!!
BTW-the rest are about to get a rude awakening too -a lot ruder than they think.
This was what i had in mind for toby&cos visit but things didnt pan out how id hoped.
illprocess em tommorrow -bloody good eating as as fat as butter!

go the mighty Rusky!!!!!

Good work on the gooses tubie. If you want to shoot those swans I have five full body deeks that work quite well.

Originally Posted by MassiveAttack

Good work on the gooses tubie. If you want to shoot those swans I have five full body deeks that work quite well.

Yes must say im feeling pretty chuffed-dunno about processing presently -snowing here so i woouldnt see the bastards in me outside abbatoir and could end up breastin meself. a loan of them swan deeks may well be in order ,but we need a campaign plan first.
aye micky the sexy wee moscow madam did like her outing and thoys boys did succumb to her charms.the old turk he likes to get amongst em too!

Those chunky birds make you look quite slim mate. The art of 'accessorizing' done so I finally understand.

just processed both -as suspected fat as butter

incidentally that one in my right hand(blue stone ring)has a bloody neck on him like a hereford bull-and he had a bloody breasts to match-i gonna be in seventh heaven at this rate. the man cave is a little full between my shootin q store and the bloody sons ford spares company -if anyone wants a mallard duck running a 454cuin donk with a ford 9"diff Im pretty bloody sure hes ensconced amongst the heaps of shit behind me!
she s a little like arkwrights out of "open all hours" -we care a little stock of everything and our motto is"where the f..k did i put that"/ no sorry we're completely out of honest politicians. as a matter of facyt at my 60th Gerry Brownlee was havin a couple of catholic hop solutions (Bers) with me -standing where the photographer was.
He spied my chainsaw collectiion(x5)and asked what was the longest bar I had.
I was a tad anxious there for a mo with visions of Gerry running amok in the debating chamber fluros and a screaming 20"bar chain and all,turning the opposition benches into bloody firewood! however being the diplomat that I am(ask any bastard who knows me -honest)-i told him "none of his bloody business" and to" sod off inside an grab another coupla beers from his carton" as the discussion was gettin a little dry
. whaaat disrespect for a politician- my aaaaarse -hes higher paid and younger +better lookin than me and he was charming my missus something terrible, egged on by my two sisters +brothers and assorted in laws!
anyhow we had a bloody great west coast yarn for as you coasters may know Gerry is descended from the Brownlee sawmilling clan based at Ruru Lake Brunner and our clans have been friends for a century plus!

good to hear he's not a total waste of space then.

Id go as far as to say 50%who criticize do so from vested agendas nad the rest they wouldnt know arse from gob ,so theyd need to be ambidextrous trying to wipe both.
cant sayIagree with everything theyve decided but fuck me rigid to be handed the biggest responsibility in NZ of modern times and be expected to get everything100%right is akin to nominating that rotund saukeraut muncher as next pope eh what.
years ago our favourite derision was whinging poms-Iwouldnt blame poms one iota if now they accused the pot callin the kettle black!! BTW-our socialist orientated city council elected as a retaliation against Bob arker &co have also done SFA apart from endless talkfests and Fuck me rigid now wanting to expand the proletariat. ive know comrade lianne for 30+yrs and sheis not all she makes out to be!

Well bugger me ,it was back to goose corner this morning with C404 &another cobber to do a recce on those canny bloody canadas &sly swans.
As usual the randy wee russian got taken along with the heavy duty "escort" artillery.
After a bit of swamp bashing and checking the populations of two promising holes -it was back to trucks for a cuppa before another antisocial call on the resident feral colony.


Sexy wee russian under arm(escort was sulking in the back of C404's truck&before anyone bloody asks no im not queer and im not on that fucking website OK!)
Lurking quietly about the shitty scrub -up pops one but he was a clean miss.
C404steps up and goes into stealth mode but these buggers shot through faster than Dave Henderson when the IRD comes calling!
Meanwhile me sees another and it ......WTF-the bloody bush in front of me erupts as one tries to gain height faster than challenger-upcomes the rusky -blowjob and its another for the freeezer.

By this time im paused for a rest when lo and behold the tall figure of mate(RR)comes striding out of the crap with what looks like a set of bloody bagpipes under one arm and the other paw is full of steaming fresh goose eggs.
"haha" say he -"ya missed this one" and before my bloody rapidly widening eyeballs the bloody bagpipes turn into a very indignant goose who on hitting the deck promptly hightails it back into the shitty scrub!
Mr gooses comments on humans are not for the tender ears of the nice people on this forum ok.!
I spot another in the open -go for a quick stalk but he buggered off for the carribean at a very high rate of knots.
C404 like matey bare had also collected himself a nice wee clutch of fresh goose eggs,so its a gentle trundle back to the wagons.

ello ello whats this then, hoho goosey in the paddock attempting to lead me a merry dance .
This wee ballet lasted all of 5mins before I played "baikals last movement" from the "ellesmere goose operetta". yup two took the one way ride to the freezer.

All in all a bloody good morning and even better is to come!