Forum members - mental image vs reality

[R93]

I would say your spot on mikee. I flat with a bloke that just eats shit. He goes to the gym everyday (good on him!), comes home with his shirt off. He unfortunately has a severe case of ILS. (imaginary lat syndrome) displaying the best beer gut I wish I never seen and makes a huge protien shake, thinking he will bulk up everywhere but his gut.

He wont eat green veg at all. Loves boiled spuds but hates mashed
Never lifts a finger to cook a meal. Hes only at the house for a couple of my days off, but has slowly, over time, snapped me.
He flys up the stairs as soon as he hears me in the kitchen making sure I am cooking enough for both of us.
I dont eat many spuds anyway but have been cooking tons greens, likes of extra of silver beat, broccolli, peas and beans with a bland protien, just to piss him off.
He grumbles when he sees what on and plugs in the toastie machine or dials out. To my horror you can also hear the cunt eating from a 100yrds away.

How the bastard has reached over 55 eating the way he does I will never know. When he really snaps me, I ask if the food at his funeral will be any healthier or should I bring my own.

He reckons his mother and his missus never cook or cant. Strange about the mother?
You would have thought it would have forced him to learn how to cook.

He can make toasties with a kilo of cheese, instant noodles or heat up a can of carbs, has 5 cups of coffee a day with 2 heaped sugars. But his best recipe, is dialed on a phone
The funniest thing of all, is he is at a loss as to why he cant loose weight