Of all the polymer pistols the XDm is one of the better choices. One thing I don't like is the rear slide rail is plastic, but doesn't seem to be a problem with the 1000's of shooters who use them. Have you tried a 1911? single action and single stack gun might be good for your hands - can get them in 9mm. Or try a Glock19. Glock can be very good with a few small cheap upgrades.
If small and comfortable is the key, Walther PPQ might be a good fit too, or a H&K VP9
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