Thread: Cooking: the unsatisfactory, the dangerous, the unusual, the weird ass.

My latest cooking screw up was actually tonite. You wouldn't read about it.
Made a batch of curried sausages. (With sultanas).....So many people hate sultanas in curried sausages? Heathens?

Anyway, I normally add a bit of cayenne for bite just before it's ready. As I was adding a sprinkle there was a helluva of a commotion of yelping and all manner of funiture and ornaments being knocked over. Then I see a fucking sparrow fly threw the lounge into the kitchen straight at me. It brushed me on the shoulder and headed straight for a window past the dining table. I was a bit confused for a split second when it was immediately followed by a 40kg wild eyed GSP at full gallop who cleaned me out on his way to catch the fucking sparrow. He caught it as it was trapped behind the blinds at floor level. Walked back to me to show off his prize and was probably wondering why I am on the floor clutching my knee in a decent amount of pain and loudly cursing his Nazi heritage, especially after he did me a solid favour removing the ferocious sparrow from the house.

Once I collected myself I found I had dropped the packet of cayenne into the mix and when I eventually picked it out there was bugger all left in the packet.
My wife was not impressed at all with my story and even less when she tasted the meal I prepared. I was verbally abused, no sympathy for my knee which was sitting at funny angles and its fair to say I was the only one that ate the sausages tonite.

Ended up having 2 sparrows in the house. 1 survived the incident the other will end up a huge pile on the lawn.


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Originally Posted by R93

My latest cooking screw up was actually tonite. You wouldn't read about it.
Made a batch of curried sausages. (With sultanas).....So many people hate sultanas in curried sausages? Heathens?

Anyway, I normally add a bit of cayenne for bite just before it's ready. As I was adding a sprinkle there was a helluva of a commotion of yelping and all manner of funiture and ornaments being knocked over. Then I see a fucking sparrow fly threw the lounge into the kitchen straight at me. It brushed me on the shoulder and headed straight for a window past the dining table. I was a bit confused for a split second when it was immediately followed by a 40kg wild eyed GSP at full gallop who cleaned me out on his way to catch the fucking sparrow. He caught it as it was trapped behind the blinds at floor level. Walked back to me to show off his prize and was probably wondering why I am on the floor clutching my knee in a decent amount of pain and loudly cursing his Nazi heritage after he did me a solid favour removing the ferocious sparrow from the house.

Once I collected myself I found I had dropped the packet of cayenne into the mix and when I eventually picked it out there was bugger all left in the packet.
My wife was not impressed at all with my story and even less when she tasted the meal I prepared. I was verbally abused, no sympathy for my knee which was sitting at funny angles and its fair to say I was the only one that ate the sausages tonite.

Ended up having 2 sparrows in the house. 1 survived the incident the other will end up a huge pile on the lawn.


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Now @R93 this was god talking to you! he had sent is little messenger (The sparrow) to tell you to stop adding sultanas in your food
But since he then saw that you where clearly not listening he thought he send the war party to back up his little messenger

Moral of the story don’t add sultanas to your cooking and god with love you

Originally Posted by R93

My latest cooking screw up was actually tonite. You wouldn't read about it.
Made a batch of curried sausages. (With sultanas).....So many people hate sultanas in curried sausages? Heathens?

Anyway, I normally add a bit of cayenne for bite just before it's ready. As I was adding a sprinkle there was a helluva of a commotion of yelping and all manner of funiture and ornaments being knocked over. Then I see a fucking sparrow fly threw the lounge into the kitchen straight at me. It brushed me on the shoulder and headed straight for a window past the dining table. I was a bit confused for a split second when it was immediately followed by a 40kg wild eyed GSP at full gallop who cleaned me out on his way to catch the fucking sparrow. He caught it as it was trapped behind the blinds at floor level. Walked back to me to show off his prize and was probably wondering why I am on the floor clutching my knee in a decent amount of pain and loudly cursing his Nazi heritage, especially after he did me a solid favour removing the ferocious sparrow from the house.

Once I collected myself I found I had dropped the packet of cayenne into the mix and when I eventually picked it out there was bugger all left in the packet.
My wife was not impressed at all with my story and even less when she tasted the meal I prepared. I was verbally abused, no sympathy for my knee which was sitting at funny angles and its fair to say I was the only one that ate the sausages tonite.

Ended up having 2 sparrows in the house. 1 survived the incident the other will end up a huge pile on the lawn.


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Why the F would you put sultanas in it?

As to the rest, the dogs a champion. The fact that your not tall enough to hold up up to a medium dog brushing past you, points to their issues....

The cayenne, yes I can appreciate why your long suffering wife turned her nose up at your cooking, with help. Maybe not a great addition a whole packet of spice.....

Originally Posted by Beaker

Why the F would you put sultanas in it?

As to the rest, the dogs a champion. The fact that your not tall enough to hold up up to a medium dog brushing past you, points to their issues....

The cayenne, yes I can appreciate why your long suffering wife turned her nose up at your cooking, with help. Maybe not a great addition a whole packet of spice.....

Thanks for your concern.....asshole.....its tradition to put sultanas in it. It's also yummy.
You have seen my dog and he does not just brush past people. I have actually considered re naming him Dozer.


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Originally Posted by R93

Thanks for your concern.....asshole.....its tradition to put sultanas in it. It's also yummy.
You have seen my dog and he does not just brush past people. I have actually considered re naming him Dozer.


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Yep and this is why some traditions die there natural deaths kill the sultanas should be the new catchphrase

Originally Posted by R93

Thanks for your concern.....asshole.....its tradition to put sultanas in it. It's also yummy.
You have seen my dog and he does not just brush past people. I have actually considered re naming him Dozer.


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Actually good point, that dog is rather big. And reminded me of a Canadian that walked into stuff...

As to the sultanas, that's just a cover up for crap sausage . Tradtions need to be challenged.

Originally Posted by R93

My latest cooking screw up was actually tonite. You wouldn't read about it.
Made a batch of curried sausages. (With sultanas).....So many people hate sultanas in curried sausages? Heathens?

Anyway, I normally add a bit of cayenne for bite just before it's ready. As I was adding a sprinkle there was a helluva of a commotion of yelping and all manner of funiture and ornaments being knocked over. Then I see a fucking sparrow fly threw the lounge into the kitchen straight at me. It brushed me on the shoulder and headed straight for a window past the dining table. I was a bit confused for a split second when it was immediately followed by a 40kg wild eyed GSP at full gallop who cleaned me out on his way to catch the fucking sparrow. He caught it as it was trapped behind the blinds at floor level. Walked back to me to show off his prize and was probably wondering why I am on the floor clutching my knee in a decent amount of pain and loudly cursing his Nazi heritage, especially after he did me a solid favour removing the ferocious sparrow from the house.

Once I collected myself I found I had dropped the packet of cayenne into the mix and when I eventually picked it out there was bugger all left in the packet.
My wife was not impressed at all with my story and even less when she tasted the meal I prepared. I was verbally abused, no sympathy for my knee which was sitting at funny angles and its fair to say I was the only one that ate the sausages tonite.

Ended up having 2 sparrows in the house. 1 survived the incident the other will end up a huge pile on the lawn.


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Brilliant. 3 Stars.