Thread: Cooking: the unsatisfactory, the dangerous, the unusual, the weird ass.

Whole chicken in microwave, covered in chicken stock powder (add chilli, etc,,), 10mins one side, turn, another 8-10 mins. All good. Juicy as, when hot. Turns to crap if left to go cold....

Using baking powder instead of baking soda, in a chocolate cake recipe. Could have used it as a retread for a 777.

Using salt instead of sugar....

At a young age, learning about chilli powder. And how much not to put in....

Cooking paua.

At a older age, using turmeric, and learning a little is OK.... (that stuff really tastes like dirt - but it's good for you she said...)

Originally Posted by veitnamcam

Many many years ago on one of me and a mates first camping trips without adults a bird was harvested, legend has it they are great eating and if cooked in clay all the feathers come out with the clay and you have a delicious meal.....well we didnt have clay or any clue so said bird was caked in mud and burned in the fire untill a sandy muddy mess off feathers and shit resulted and we went hungry.

We used that method once to cook eel, but our source of mud was a pig wallow. Apparently also works well with hedgehogs, when you break it open all the spines peel off with the baked mud.
I've eaten possum, the shepherd and I were camped up the back of the farm doing poison lines, he just walked the cyanide line until he found a nice fat one. His theory was his dogs had been eating poisoned possums for years so we should be okay...

My latest cooking screw up was actually tonite. You wouldn't read about it.
Made a batch of curried sausages. (With sultanas).....So many people hate sultanas in curried sausages? Heathens?

Anyway, I normally add a bit of cayenne for bite just before it's ready. As I was adding a sprinkle there was a helluva of a commotion of yelping and all manner of funiture and ornaments being knocked over. Then I see a fucking sparrow fly threw the lounge into the kitchen straight at me. It brushed me on the shoulder and headed straight for a window past the dining table. I was a bit confused for a split second when it was immediately followed by a 40kg wild eyed GSP at full gallop who cleaned me out on his way to catch the fucking sparrow. He caught it as it was trapped behind the blinds at floor level. Walked back to me to show off his prize and was probably wondering why I am on the floor clutching my knee in a decent amount of pain and loudly cursing his Nazi heritage, especially after he did me a solid favour removing the ferocious sparrow from the house.

Once I collected myself I found I had dropped the packet of cayenne into the mix and when I eventually picked it out there was bugger all left in the packet.
My wife was not impressed at all with my story and even less when she tasted the meal I prepared. I was verbally abused, no sympathy for my knee which was sitting at funny angles and its fair to say I was the only one that ate the sausages tonite.

Ended up having 2 sparrows in the house. 1 survived the incident the other will end up a huge pile on the lawn.


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Originally Posted by R93

My latest cooking screw up was actually tonite. You wouldn't read about it.
Made a batch of curried sausages. (With sultanas).....So many people hate sultanas in curried sausages? Heathens?

Anyway, I normally add a bit of cayenne for bite just before it's ready. As I was adding a sprinkle there was a helluva of a commotion of yelping and all manner of funiture and ornaments being knocked over. Then I see a fucking sparrow fly threw the lounge into the kitchen straight at me. It brushed me on the shoulder and headed straight for a window past the dining table. I was a bit confused for a split second when it was immediately followed by a 40kg wild eyed GSP at full gallop who cleaned me out on his way to catch the fucking sparrow. He caught it as it was trapped behind the blinds at floor level. Walked back to me to show off his prize and was probably wondering why I am on the floor clutching my knee in a decent amount of pain and loudly cursing his Nazi heritage after he did me a solid favour removing the ferocious sparrow from the house.

Once I collected myself I found I had dropped the packet of cayenne into the mix and when I eventually picked it out there was bugger all left in the packet.
My wife was not impressed at all with my story and even less when she tasted the meal I prepared. I was verbally abused, no sympathy for my knee which was sitting at funny angles and its fair to say I was the only one that ate the sausages tonite.

Ended up having 2 sparrows in the house. 1 survived the incident the other will end up a huge pile on the lawn.


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Now @R93 this was god talking to you! he had sent is little messenger (The sparrow) to tell you to stop adding sultanas in your food
But since he then saw that you where clearly not listening he thought he send the war party to back up his little messenger

Moral of the story don’t add sultanas to your cooking and god with love you

Originally Posted by R93

My latest cooking screw up was actually tonite. You wouldn't read about it.
Made a batch of curried sausages. (With sultanas).....So many people hate sultanas in curried sausages? Heathens?

Anyway, I normally add a bit of cayenne for bite just before it's ready. As I was adding a sprinkle there was a helluva of a commotion of yelping and all manner of funiture and ornaments being knocked over. Then I see a fucking sparrow fly threw the lounge into the kitchen straight at me. It brushed me on the shoulder and headed straight for a window past the dining table. I was a bit confused for a split second when it was immediately followed by a 40kg wild eyed GSP at full gallop who cleaned me out on his way to catch the fucking sparrow. He caught it as it was trapped behind the blinds at floor level. Walked back to me to show off his prize and was probably wondering why I am on the floor clutching my knee in a decent amount of pain and loudly cursing his Nazi heritage, especially after he did me a solid favour removing the ferocious sparrow from the house.

Once I collected myself I found I had dropped the packet of cayenne into the mix and when I eventually picked it out there was bugger all left in the packet.
My wife was not impressed at all with my story and even less when she tasted the meal I prepared. I was verbally abused, no sympathy for my knee which was sitting at funny angles and its fair to say I was the only one that ate the sausages tonite.

Ended up having 2 sparrows in the house. 1 survived the incident the other will end up a huge pile on the lawn.


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Why the F would you put sultanas in it?

As to the rest, the dogs a champion. The fact that your not tall enough to hold up up to a medium dog brushing past you, points to their issues....

The cayenne, yes I can appreciate why your long suffering wife turned her nose up at your cooking, with help. Maybe not a great addition a whole packet of spice.....

Originally Posted by Beaker

Why the F would you put sultanas in it?

As to the rest, the dogs a champion. The fact that your not tall enough to hold up up to a medium dog brushing past you, points to their issues....

The cayenne, yes I can appreciate why your long suffering wife turned her nose up at your cooking, with help. Maybe not a great addition a whole packet of spice.....

Thanks for your concern.....asshole.....its tradition to put sultanas in it. It's also yummy.
You have seen my dog and he does not just brush past people. I have actually considered re naming him Dozer.


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Originally Posted by R93

My latest cooking screw up was actually tonite. You wouldn't read about it.
Made a batch of curried sausages. (With sultanas).....So many people hate sultanas in curried sausages? Heathens?

Anyway, I normally add a bit of cayenne for bite just before it's ready. As I was adding a sprinkle there was a helluva of a commotion of yelping and all manner of funiture and ornaments being knocked over. Then I see a fucking sparrow fly threw the lounge into the kitchen straight at me. It brushed me on the shoulder and headed straight for a window past the dining table. I was a bit confused for a split second when it was immediately followed by a 40kg wild eyed GSP at full gallop who cleaned me out on his way to catch the fucking sparrow. He caught it as it was trapped behind the blinds at floor level. Walked back to me to show off his prize and was probably wondering why I am on the floor clutching my knee in a decent amount of pain and loudly cursing his Nazi heritage, especially after he did me a solid favour removing the ferocious sparrow from the house.

Once I collected myself I found I had dropped the packet of cayenne into the mix and when I eventually picked it out there was bugger all left in the packet.
My wife was not impressed at all with my story and even less when she tasted the meal I prepared. I was verbally abused, no sympathy for my knee which was sitting at funny angles and its fair to say I was the only one that ate the sausages tonite.

Ended up having 2 sparrows in the house. 1 survived the incident the other will end up a huge pile on the lawn.


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Brilliant. 3 Stars.

Originally Posted by R93

Thanks for your concern.....asshole.....its tradition to put sultanas in it. It's also yummy.
You have seen my dog and he does not just brush past people. I have actually considered re naming him Dozer.


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Yep and this is why some traditions die there natural deaths kill the sultanas should be the new catchphrase

Originally Posted by R93

Thanks for your concern.....asshole.....its tradition to put sultanas in it. It's also yummy.
You have seen my dog and he does not just brush past people. I have actually considered re naming him Dozer.


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Actually good point, that dog is rather big. And reminded me of a Canadian that walked into stuff...

As to the sultanas, that's just a cover up for crap sausage . Tradtions need to be challenged.

Have you tried sultanas in a curry? It is actually delish. But I expect nothing less from you cave dwellers

You would hate my stuffed venny backstrap with homemade spicey plum sauce

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Originally Posted by Scouser

Made jam on toast for the misses....still half asleep and without my reading glasses on, made 'Beetroot chutney on toast"....

proudly walked into the bedroom, even the dogs where not interested, was just about to throw it in the bin....though, why not......SCORE, fukn awesome, try it

Totally have done that but not by accident its pretty damn good I'll agree

Originally Posted by R93

Have you tried sultanas in a curry? It is actually delish. But I expect nothing less from you cave dwellers

You would hate my stuffed venny backstrap with homemade spicey plum sauce

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Sultanas in curry is primo especially curried sausages, they also go well in porridge too

One xmas a mate and I were out in the Aussie countryside working and living the so called dream. All we had was beer (warm), onions and some spuds. Managed to catch a rabbit, so cooked it with our onions and spuds over a fire in a 44 gallon drum. Shittiest xmas lunch ever.

Originally Posted by R93

Have you tried sultanas in a curry? It is actually delish. But I expect nothing less from you cave dwellers

You would hate my stuffed venny backstrap with homemade spicey plum sauce

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Sultanas and brown sugar combined with vinegar in a chutney is an abomination before God and can be found recorded in Leviticus as 'Unclean for you'. It is a disgusting combination and any who make it are destined to Purgatory !!